Letting Go

What does it mean to surrender to God? I've asked myself this question many times over the past few years as I've worked to let go of the challenges in my life and let God help me. Just when I think I've got it figured out, I often realize that I'm still trying to manage everything myself. Other times, I hand over my problems to God for a moment, only to fearfully change my mind and take the control right back from him.

I had an experience a few months ago that helped me come closer to understanding what it means to surrender to God.

It was the Sunday before Christmas, and I was preparing for a special program at church. A friend of mine would be singing a solo, and she had asked me to accompany her on the piano. The accompaniment was a bit above my skill level, but I was happy for the opportunity to play. I had figured out a way to simplify the music by leaving out a few notes, but despite my alterations to the song and much practice, I was still struggling to consistently play the last verse without any errors. I wanted to perform without mistakes because I didn't want to detract from my friend's singing. I also didn't want to distract the congregation from the spirit they felt as they listened to the message of the song.

In addition to accompanying my friend, I also had the responsibility of leading the choir for two songs in the program. That morning, before the service, I met with the choir to rehearse and warm up. By the time we wrapped up our practice, there were only a few minutes left before the program began. I snuck away to an empty room to run through the song I would play for my friend. I had time to practice it one time, and I did so with a few errors. Since I was out of time, I decided that my imperfect performance would have to do. I said a prayer for help and returned to the chapel.

Throughout the service, I tried to stay calm as I led the choir numbers. I knew I wouldn't be able to play the piano well if I let my nerves get out of control. My friend's solo was at the end of the program. When the time came, I sat at the piano and began to play. She sang beautifully, and I could feel the quiet reverence of the audience as they absorbed the sweet message of Christ's birth she shared. I comfortably followed her lead as she expressively sang the melody, but I knew the real challenge was coming. I knew there was a possibility that I could ruin her special performance with a sour chord in the final verse.

Recognizing the limits of my ability to control the situation, I let go. I didn't stop playing the piano. My hands kept moving. But I let go. In my mind, I handed over my efforts to God. I acknowledged my powerlessness and asked for His help. As I continued to play, I felt my worry disappear. I focused on the present and didn't fear what was coming. I allowed the feeling of the music to guide me. As I approached the section of the song where I had often struggled, I made it through with ease. I didn't play every note. I missed some of them, but I didn't hit any wrong notes. It was the best I had ever played the song. My friend's solo was beautiful and heartfelt, and with God's help, my accompaniment added to the beauty of her performance instead of wrecking it.

As I've thought about this experience, I've considered what I can learn from it about surrendering to God. What applications can I make as I encounter other, perhaps more significant and longer-lasting, challenges in my life?

Lesson #1 -- In order to surrender to God, we must reach a point when we recognize our own powerlessness to overcome the trials we face. Although I had done everything I could to play the song well, I knew my abilities were still insufficient to accomplish it without God's help.

Lesson #2 -- Letting go doesn't mean we stop trying. When I surrendered my piano performance to God, I had to keep playing. We also must keep doing our best even when we ask God to help us.

Lesson #3 -- Letting go means we focus on what we can do today, and we stop fearing the future. We place our uncertainties in God's hands, and we know that he will let us know what steps to take and when to take them. As I played the piano, I stopped worrying about that dreaded last verse and faced each moment as it came.

Lesson #4 -- Finally, God might not always do what we expect or exactly what we ask. It would have been amazing if I had miraculously played every note in the song perfectly, but that wasn't necessary. I'm not perfect, and that's okay. Everything will not always go exactly right in our lives, but God will help us get through.

Over the past few months, I've tried to apply these lessons to all areas of my life, and I've felt more peace with the recognition that God can accomplish what I can't. I can keep working, give my fears to Him, and trust that He has a plan for me even if it's different than what I expect. I'm learning to surrender to Him.